I am NOT a mouth breather...

As a teacher I used to sit and watch, well...hmmm... let's say 'less than brilliant' students (ok, and also frankly some co-workers) sit with their lips about a quarter of an inch apart... mouth breathing -- I always supposed it was a more efficient way to fill the space between their ears...

I have never understood mouth breathing...and frankly I have always seen it as a definite sign of a lack of intelligence... Early in my teaching career when my heart was still so tender to every poor kid who wasn't headed anywhere beyond a food service career, I actually spent hours at night wondering, praying and from time to time crying about what the sad little mouth breathers would do with their lives...

I now know one thing that they could absolutely do much easier than I can... SCUBA...Scuba is the ideal opportunity for mouth breathers...And since I am not a mouth breather it has been somewhat challenging for me...Maybe I should call up all those kids who were mouth breathers and tell them to run, not walk, to the nearest scuba center and sign up for classes...Of course there is a written exam that could pose a bit of a problem for them...BUT most of them became quite skilled in the public school system at cheating off classmates over the years so they just might get past that little hitch... And once they hit the water, and they put on that mask that completely covers those two lovely nose holes that most people use for breathing and stick that regulator in their mouth they'd be in mouth breather heaven... Sorta like little fishies...I wonder if there is some correlation between the brain size of fish and the brain size of mouth breathers...Maybe mouth breathing actually shrinks the brain...HMMMM...

Since I am a life long nose breather---So much so that I literally can NOT sleep if I have a head cold that stops up my nose...I will put Vicks in my nose...shoot salt water drops up my nose...blow my nose til my ears nearly burst and try just about anything else to avoid breathing through my mouth--- scuba is for me like being in nose breather HELL...actually it's not that bad...This week was so much better than last week...I think that I've actually kind of figured it out...I go under water, sit and just do the best I can to think about nothing but breathing through my mouth...Maybe that's why mouth breathers although not looking even remotely intelligent always seemed to be somehow engaged in some sort of thinking...They were thinking about breathing...that's all - nothing else - not one other thought or idea - ...just sitting and thinking about breathing...

SO, after I completely veg out under water for about 2 to 5 minutes and allow myself to think of nothing but breathing, I can slowly start adding in other thoughts...after being under water mouth breathing for a while, I can actually start concentrating on all the dive skills that will keep me alive AND 78968 random things that I normally have going on in my brain at one time...For instance, tonight, after I adjusted to the idea of mouth breathing I wondered about the little flecks of paint floating in the pool, and if my sister would ever post the pics she was taking underwater of me & sissy to facebook and if the skinny girl in class realizes that her swimsuit is way up her butt and if she does then why isn't she picking...I'd pick, I would...of course, I'd never be little enough to wear a bathing suit like that and even if i were I have too many scars to wear anything but board shorts and I wonder if the instructor realizes that I did not pay attention at all to the instructions for the next skill he was just giving and even if I were paying attention the water sure is cloudy tonight at this pool. I wonder if old people have been peeing in it...Wonder why we use the pool at the old people place? Is this the only indoor pool in Lubbock that's available and I still wonder why there are paint flecks and apparently a dead mosquito floating in the pool...and OH...It's my turn to do the dive skill...breathe IN & OUT of your mouth...do NOT under any circumstances hold your breath OR do the totally natural thing for you and breathe through your nose...

And that my friends is how scuba goes...And tonight because I resigned myself to the fact that I HAD TO breathe through my MOUTH and actually THINK about breathing (and seriously other than when I was doing breathing exercises in the hospital I don't think I've ever just thought about breathing) it was a much better experience...AND the other thing that helped is that I didn't have to surface even once due to vicious leg cramps...I guess eating 4 bananas in one day really did pay off...Although the people at Sonic are, I am certain, wondering what the hell I am doing with the 4 bananas I've bought there within a matter of hours today???...And, yes, I buy bananas at Sonic instead of the grocery store...I know it's not cost effective, but I don't have to worry about bananas turning in to some unidentifiable, gnat-infested, blackish blob on my counter...and I can't stand a mushy banana...

Anyway, I actually finished ALL the necessary skills to successfully complete my scuba classes and now all that's left to do is the certification at Balmorhea on Saturday and Sunday.

AND because I had to work on mouth breathing I also reached a new understanding of those unintelligent souls who are mouth breathers (I told you this would be a learning AND a sharing experience)...Because by nature human beings are nose breathers those people who are mouth breathers actually do have to think about breathing...And thinking about breathing is pretty damn important ( I mean if you're not one of the people who just naturally breathe, circulate blood and have a pumping heart without thinking)... breathing is very crucial...And if I had to think to breathe (like mouth breathers who are clearly going against nature by breathing through their mouths) then I clearly would not want or be able to crowd my brain with other thoughts...BTW, if your child is sitting somewhere near you breathing through their mouth slap some duct tape over that pie hole and make them do some multiplication tables with their trap taped shut...

I guess this was all pretty rambling (big surprise, huh?) but it's what I learned from scuba lessons...in addition of course to NOT DYING underwater...which is pretty important and apparently the actual focus of the class...imagine that???

OH...and, this does have something to do with the Queen's Travel Tour '09... I am getting scuba certified because we (the entire Howle/Richards clan) are traveling to Belize, Isla Roatan and Cozumel at Christmas AND it's supposed to be a GREAT place to dive...so, WHY NOT??!!??

AND, I will take some pics this weekend at Balmorhea since it is my FIRST official trip on the Travel Tour and post some actual travel info next week...

All this talk about breathing has keeps bringing a quote to mind...appropriate? hmmm...probably not...applicable?... hmmmm...idk...BUT it makes me laugh...so I'll end with it...

Air is a lot like sex. You don't think too much about it unless you're not getting it.