Dear Santa, I want it ALL!!! But I know I don’t NEED it...
I had a bit of an epiphany today or maybe just a realization...I’ve been having them more often...I guess that’s what happens when I listen to God's voice & ask Him where I go from here AND how I get there...I am liking this epiphany thing a lot --It's sorta like having a GPS for my life (except much less annoying -- I just don't like that woman's voice on the GPS & how she knows the best way to anywhere BUT doesn't know when I'm sitting in the parking lot of the place she's supposed to be getting me to & she's telling me to keep going ... ;) ...I think it’s important to write down the 'directions' SO when the devil attacks me, I don’t forget & get way off track ...AND so that maybe if he's attacking you, you'll remember God's on your side (He's your GPS), too!!!
The holidays are hard... for lots of reasons... I think most of the people in my life try very hard to be generous & do for others that are less fortunate & embrace the real spirit of Christmas...BUT...I also think that lots of people -- especially me -- feel torn about the season... Maybe this isn't a popular or grown up thing to say...BUT...It's the TRUTH... I really like getting gifts... Little things, big things, cards, candy, a pic of a dear friend and/or their kids or anything that someone has taken the time to get for me... AND...That really got me to thinking...
I don’t NEED these things. I WANT things, yes...I want them A LOT!!! It’s kinda hard for me to even admit that (I've been trying to work on being less selfish & much more grateful)...BUT...I don’t need things...I really don’t...
I’ve been struggling a lot with wanting more and more and more...BUT those are just wants...I’ve been struggling with the idea of God not being ENOUGH although I know I should feel/believe He is...BUT...today I realized that God is ENOUGH...AND I still want more... : / ... ???
BUT...
I don’t NEED more... I am really starting to understand the difference between my wants & needs (Ok, yes, I realize that realizing these things at my age may indicate that I am just a wee bit slow... ;) but better late than never, I suppose... )
...I want my family & their amazing, unconditional love for me. I want my friends in my life. I want someone to love me. I want a family of my own. I want a good job that I find fulfilling. I want to feel like I am doing something purposeful & important. I want to do things that matter. I don't really want to think about my life without these things...
I want to have happy days, big hugs, warm smiles, inside jokes, little reminders of love around me, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, people who are real with me & really love who I am, I want to laugh & laugh & laugh with friends, I want to travel, I want to see lots of sunsets & sunrises & the beauty of the world, I want to share lots of special moments with people who are so precious to me... I want, I want... I want A LOT & I want it all...VERY, VERY MUCH!!!
BUT...I DO NOT need it...I WANT it VERY BADLY...but without it IF I have God, I have all I really NEED... AND with all the things I WANT if I don't have God, I don't have anything I NEED! I don’t think that means that the wanting will go away...I am pretty sure it won’t ever go away AND I don’t think it makes me a bad person to WANT things... I think God will look at my list of wants AND give me the ones that are right for me & at the right time for me... (I have trouble with the right time part, but He will give me the peace to get through the hard times)... AND I will know that He is all I NEED.
I feel like I am being attacked by the devil (I feel like I & others get attacked a lot during the holidays with all the wants & with all the wishes & maybe even with guilt, or feeling over-worked & under-appreciated or some other such thing & with the feeling that we can make the holidays what they are supposed to be, but can't seem to make them be) I feel a bit under attack because even as I type that, there’s a thought in my head that says... ‘If you tell God, He is all you need, maybe He will give you all you want’...
AND... that would be GREAT... but I know it doesn’t work that way AND more importantly I think God knows I am struggling with that...AND He has what I NEED to get through that & HE WILL give it to me... I really believed I needed to be a Mom to survive and to live and to have any reason in life or purpose to smile...AND, I’m not a mommy anymore AND while I still WANT that & still WISH that I had Garrett...I know that God helps me/allows me/makes me survive because no matter what & no matter how bad life hurts ...in the end... HE is what I NEED...
No, maybe HE won’t be all I ever want & I will still want things (& I still really like gifts ;) ... I really think that’s OK, but I know in my heart that HE is all I really need. I really need to be saved & to go to Heaven & see my savior & see my son... AND that’s all I NEED.
Every other thing in life is a WANT & I have to trust that God will give me the WANTS that HE knows I NEED to live the life HE has for me...
Thank You so much God for all the amazing gifts I simply want & that you have given me AND THANK YOU SO, SO VERY MUCH FOR THE GIFT YOU'VE GIVEN ALL OF US THAT IS ALL WE NEED!!! Thank You, God for Jesus' birth...Thank You, God for Christmas!!!
Dear Santa,
I WANT it all...BUT ... I really do HAVE all I NEED!!!
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I really believe God will take care of my wants & your wants & all wants once we yield to the TRUTH that despite all our desires HE is our only NEED!
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I should also say...I LOVE giving gifts, too!!! In fact, the one thing I may like more than getting gifts is the smile on someone's face when I give them a gift!!! I think we get much more from giving than we do from receiving...BUT...the point of this particular post is what we NEED for Christmas (or actually all the time) AND that GOD IS ALL WE NEED even if we have WANTS!